《柯南脱口秀》第86期:家里闹负鼠

God,is it nice to be here.I'm with a possum problem at the house. 老天 很高兴来到这里 我家最近闹负鼠

Just moved into a new house,me and my wife,we like to go in the yard at night 我和老婆刚刚搬进新家 我们喜欢晚上坐在院子里

and have a little wine and these possums are comfortable. 喝点小酒 那群负鼠把自己当外人

If they could talk,they would be like what the hell are you doing here? 如果他们会说话 他们会说 他们俩在这儿干什么呢

Now growing up,I grew up in an immigrant family 成熟点吧 我在移民家庭长大

and how we handled possums,raccoons,my father would be like,we're going to murder the . 我们要处理负鼠 浣熊 我爸会说 我们要灭掉那帮混蛋

we're going to pour anti-freeze on bologna.What? 我们会在大红肠上倒防冻剂 啥

Woke up in the morning,birds,squirrels raccoons just murdered all over our property. 早上一起床 鸟啊 松鼠啊 浣熊啊 死了一地

Neighbors coming by,have you seen our cat?No,we haven't seen it.Check the yard. 邻居过来问 你看见我们家的猫了吗 没 我们没看到 去院子里找找

My wife,she didn't grow up this way.We got to call the possum police. 我老婆从小不是这么长大的 我们得找负鼠警察

It's a human service.they come over,150 dollars traps, 这是一种人道服务 他们过来 设上150美元的陷阱

Guy tells me,it's 35 dollars extra for the bait. 他们告诉我 诱饵要额外交35美元

I said,what are you useing? he said peanut butter. 我问 你们用什么当诱饵 他说花生酱