《柯南脱口秀》第26期:肌肉感到困惑

kntkx 柯南脱口秀 131 0

I buy my own and I blast the rats. 我自己买了杀虫剂攻击了老鼠

I go two-pop resurrection.I blast the rats with my own . 我进行了两个步骤拿出杀虫剂喷老鼠

And I believe it was Kelly Clarkson who once said,whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 我想是凯丽·克拉克森曾经说过杀不死你的能让你变得更强大

And that is especially true when it comes to pesticides and rats. 对于杀虫剂和老鼠而言这尤其正确

Not only do these rats not die,They evolve. 这些老鼠不仅仅没死还进化了

They become smarter,for vengeful rats. 它们成了更聪明更有报复心理的老鼠

So I'm like,fine,I go old school.I set a trap,put cheese in the middle of it. 我想着好吧我按老式方法来我搞了个老鼠夹在中间放了一块奶酪

Two hours later,I check the trap.Trap still set,cheese is gone. 两小时后我看了看老鼠夹老鼠夹没动奶酪不见了

My car keys are in the middle of the trap.They figured it out. 我的车钥匙在老鼠夹中间它们想明白了

The rats figured it out.Now it's a chess match. 老鼠们想明白了现在成了象棋比赛

And I'm losing,because I'm sick from my own pesticides. 我输了因为我买的杀虫剂让我生病了

I can no longer have children.I probably could have a kid,but he'd be like a benjamin button, 我没法有孩子了我可能会有孩子他会跟本杰明·巴顿一样

Porbably an elderly baby that ages in reverse. 也许是年纪大的人慢慢变小

I workout.I go to the gym.Here's the thing about the gym.you can't do the same workout, 我健身我去健身房这是健身房的一个特点你不能做相同的锻炼

Because your muscles are smart,and they have memory. 因为你的肌肉很聪明它们有记忆

And they will memorize your workout.then you will not make any gain. 它们会记住你的锻炼然后你就不会有进步了

So you have to do muscle confusion.you have to confuse your muscles. 所以你得让肌肉困惑你得让你的肌肉感到困惑

That's what I do.I get dressed like I'm gonna work out. 我就是这样的我穿得像是要去健身

Right before I step on the treadmill,I smoke a cigarette.Muscle confusion. 我上跑步机之前会抽根烟肌肉就困惑了

My muscles are like,I thought we were going to go for a run.I'm like,sorry,muscles.we're partying. 我的肌肉说我还以为我们要跑步呢我说对不起肌肉我们在派对

Guy sees me smoking in the gym.He's like,you can't smoke here,violation of the fire code. 有人看见我在健身房抽烟他说你不能在这里抽烟违反了消防法规

I'm like,do you know who you're talking to?I'm a volunteer firefighter. 我说你知道你在跟谁说话吗我是志愿消防队员

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